I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
