I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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