he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
