so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
