I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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