Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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