ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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