haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
