turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
