I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize