Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
