my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
