They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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