Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
