Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
