On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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