Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
