My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
