It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
