Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
