We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
