cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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