I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How does it feel to date your dad?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
