Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
