hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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