Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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