we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
