____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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