I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize