i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
