we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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