Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
