i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
