please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
