you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Help me help you realize you are a moron
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
