i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
