some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
