Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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