Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
