And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
