Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
