I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're too hungover to prance.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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