If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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