You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
