hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
