I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
