Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
