Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
