Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
