3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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