My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
