I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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