Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
