I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
