and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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