So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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