I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
