ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
