Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
