there's paper in my vomit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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