I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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