Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
