woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
