she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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