You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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