when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
