Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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