ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
