I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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